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I wipe my eye gunk off under my desk, sometimes on the dressing room mirror. I pick my nose when I am driving and flick my boogers out the window, I fart and cough at the same time so that nobody can tell what came from where (because I am a real lady). I blow my nose in the shower all over my hand and then when I go in for that big interview later that day, I use it to shake Mr. White's hand- and boy does it shine! I give the finger liberally while driving through my neighborhood in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and tried to see if I could get it to catch on in Europe (but failed). 
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I am an anti-geisha. I am not Japanese, I am Chinese.
There is a difference between the two, you know. I have gigantic size 9
1/2 feet, crater zits that breaks out through my "silky skin" before and
after and during my period, and a loud mouth that screams profanities and
insults and my mind. I have a little pot-belly, I have an ass that needs
to go to the gym. I have hangnails and callouses and blisters and baggage
(emotional, historical, and whatever the hell else kind of baggage that
is keeping HIM from taking a chance on someone who actually gives a shit
about herself). 
I drink forties, coke with whiskey, and spoiled juice. When I get drunk, I give the finger some more and tell strangers to "fuck off." I chew with my mouth open. I once threw piss (not my own, because I am a real lady-remember?) at a guy who fucked me over. I have a higher tolerance than you and dance for nobody but myself. I won't clean up, even after myself. I go ape-shit at garage sales. I go even more ape-shit at the 99-cents store. I am a beautiful animal. |
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